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Snack Thief – 2023 Fulton County Advisor Article on the Hauntahk

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THE FULTON COUNTY ADVISOR
This Week’s Edition: 11-17-2023
Headline: “LOST HIKER CLAIMS HAUNTAHK STOLE HIS BACKPACK FOR A ‘SNACK RAID’!”

From the archives. Contributor: Spence Hutchins, Curator of the Fulton Hills Historical Society.

By Melandre Combs Owner, Operator

Well, folks, I hope you’re sittin’ down for this one, because Fulton County just keeps gettin’ stranger!

This week, a hiker visiting from North Florida —who prefers to go by just “Gary” (for reasons we’ll get to)—came forward with what he calls “the closest encounter anyone’s ever had with Bigfoot without ending up lunch!” And let me tell ya, his story is bananas. Or maybe protein bars, depending on who you believe.

The Hairy Heist

Gary says he was hiking deep in the Yowle Mountains last Sunday when he decided to stop for a snack break. “It was just me, my backpack, and the woods,” Gary told The Advisor. “Next thing I know, there’s this rustlin’ behind me, and I swear to God, this HUGE shadow comes outta nowhere!”

According to Gary, the “shadow” wasn’t a bear, a deer, or anything else you’d expect in these parts. “It was BIGFOOT!” he exclaimed. “At least eight feet tall, covered in fur that smelled like wet dog and swamp water, and those EYES—like black marbles, just starin’ at me.”

Gary claims the Hauntahk – he refused to use the local vernacular – didn’t attack him but instead went straight for his backpack. “It grabbed it like it was goin’ through TSA! Tossed it open, pulled out my snacks—jerky, granola, a couple protein bars—and bolted back into the trees. Left me sittin’ there like an idiot!”

Witness or Whopper?

Now, before you go callin’ this story a hoax, Gary swears he isn’t making it up. “I didn’t tell anyone at first ’cause, well, who’s gonna believe Bigfoot wanted my beef jerky?” he said. “But then I thought, ‘No, people need to know!’”

And Gary isn’t the only one talkin’. Other hikers in the area have reported strange sightings lately—broken branches way too high for any normal animal, weird footprints (Gary says he saw those too), and a “low growl” that one camper compared to “a lion with laryngitis.”

Theories from the “Experts”

As usual, I reached out to some of the so-called experts for their take.

  • Maggie Arliss, local cryptid researcher and buzzkill extraordinaire, says the story is “probably just a bear.” (C’mon, Maggie, when’s the last time a bear unzipped a backpack?)
  • Tom Willard, who practically lives for this kinda stuff, says the details line up with known Hauntahk behavior. “They’re curious creatures,” he explained. “If they’re hungry, they’ll take whatever’s easiest. In this case, it sounds like Gary’s snacks were the jackpot.”

Evidence or Excuse?

Skeptics might point out that Gary’s “Bigfoot encounter” conveniently lines up with his missing backpack and no other witnesses. “Look, I don’t care if people believe me,” Gary said. “All I know is, I’m out a backpack, and Bigfoot’s probably sittin’ in the woods eatin’ my granola right now.”

For what it’s worth, Gary has filed a report with the Sheriff’s Office—though whether that’s for the Hauntahk attack or his stolen jerky remains unclear.

Whether you believe Gary’s story or think it’s just another tall tale, one thing’s for sure: the woods are still full of surprises. So, next time you’re out hiking, maybe keep your snacks closer—and your camera even closer. Who knows what—or who—might be watchin’?