THE FULTON COUNTY ADVISOR
This Week’s Edition: 10-20-2023
Headline: “HAUNTAHK BABY MAMA TELLS ALL!”

From the archives. Contributor: Spence Hutchins, Curator of the Fulton Hills Historical Society.

By Melandre Combs Owner, Operator

Y’all, brace yourselves, because this one’s WILD!

A local woman (who refuses to be named for what she calls “obvious reasons”) claims she’s got the most shocking story Fulton County has ever heard—and folks, that’s sayin’ a lot! According to her, not only did she have an encounter with one of the legendary Hauntahks (yep!), but she also ended up PREGNANT. And let me tell ya, that ain’t even the craziest part of this tale!

This woman says she first came across the Hauntahk while hiking in the mountains (didn’t specify where) late one evening last year. She describes it as “a huge, furry beast with claws like garden shears and a stare that went straight to my soul.” According to her, the Hauntahk seemed “oddly gentle” despite its terrifying size. “I thought it was just watchin’ me, but it had other intentions,” she whispered dramatically.

A few weeks after the encounter, she noticed her body going through some “unexpected changes.” She chalked it up to bad chicken at first, but after a couple months—and no boyfriend to speak of—she realized she was expecting! “I knew somethin’ wasn’t normal, though,” she said. “Doctors couldn’t figure it out. The ultrasounds didn’t look like any baby they’d ever seen.”

Fast forward 11 MONTHS LATER (that’s right, folks, ELEVEN months), and she claims the Hauntahk came back in the dead of night—this time showing up outside her window, just as she went into labor. “I was screamin’, panicked outta my mind, and there it was! I swear it just knew,” she said.

She claims the Hauntahk helped deliver the baby right there in her living room. “It was like a scene out of a movie,” she said. “It made these weird low hums, almost like it was calming me down, and the next thing I knew, it was holding the baby.”

And then—get this—the Hauntahk took off with the child! “It cradled the baby, looked at me, and then just disappeared back into the woods,” she said, wiping a tear. “I didn’t even get a chance to name it.”

Questions (and Doubts) Arise

Now, folks, I know what you’re thinkin’. Could this really happen? Is this woman pullin’ our legs? Well, let me tell ya, she sure seems convinced, even if some of her story is a little… fuzzy.

Local cryptid expert Maggie Arliss says she’s “skeptical” (but isn’t she always?). “There’s no evidence to suggest the Hauntahk has human reproductive capabilities,” Arliss scoffed when I called her for comment. “This is pure fantasy.”

But others aren’t so quick to dismiss the tale. “We’ve heard stranger things,” said Tommy Willard, a self-proclaimed paranormal investigator in Cat Claw County. “Who’s to say what the Hauntahk is or isn’t capable of?”

Where’s the Baby Now?

The woman insists the baby is still alive and being raised “out there in the mountains” by the Hauntahk itself. “I like to think it’s safe,” she said. “Maybe it’s learnin’ how to be one with nature or somethin’. Maybe it’s part of somethin’ bigger.”

When asked if she’d like the child back, she hesitated. “I miss it, of course, but maybe it’s where it’s supposed to be,” she said. “I mean, what kind of mother would I be? What kinda life could I give a baby like that?”

Keep your eyes on the woods, folks. And who knows—maybe next time, the Hauntahk will bring the baby back.